I think your daughter will be okay with a bit of a break from a man who calls her a piece of crap and a mongoloid.

As for cutting him out of your life, all you probably have to do is offer to not ever pursue him for child support. If you get yourself in a position where HE suggests this, all the more successful it will be. posted by cairdeas at 7:20 PM on [5 favorites]

His being a part of his child’s life doesn’t give him license to fuck you or to fuck you over.

Now you’ve told us, right?

Also, as I often do, let me recommend Facing Codependence by Mellody, Miller, and Miller. My guess is that you’ll find a lot of it resonant. posted by Sidhedevil at 7:21 PM on

My mom stuck around with my dad (whom this man reminds me of) because she thought I “needed a father in my life.” It wasn’t until I was about ten and I asked her “Mommy, why are you still with Dad? He makes you cry a lot and he’s mean to us,” that she realized how dumb she was being and filed for divorce.

Trust me on this – the absence of one parent is much better than the presence of a crappy parent. Keeping him in your life will only hurt your d on [12 favorites]

I should also say that it sounds like “no relationship” or “very limited relationship” might be the best option, given everything you’ve shared about this man’s lack of integrity, but you need to get past lumping the two issues together

I’ve been seeing a therapist for a phobia and have touched on this issue but I am so embarrassed to tell anyone about all the details because I look so stupid for putting up with it and taking him back.

And none of us think you are stupid. Look, I went back to a guy who told me I couldn’t come with him to visit his family at Christmas because there was no space for me (so I spent Christmas alone in a city across the country from all my friends and family) and instead flew to try to have sex with a girl he had met that summer. Do you think that I am stupid now that I told you that?