As Spicher says in one of her #latebloomers posts, “I was like, I’m not looking for the one, I’m just looking for something special.” She has had some romantic experiences, though. “I’ve gone out with men, and we’ve hooked up,” she says. “I just hadn’t had penetrative sex, or however you define ‘The Big One. I was waiting for a special something to happen, and it just never did.” While she’s not a believer now, Spicher did grow up “religious,” and she does wonder if her decision to wait for that perfect moment-ideally within a relationship, something this “chronically single” VP at a retail company hasn’t experienced yet-is a hangover from the purity culture of her youth. (Okereke is also open about her Christian faith.)

“It’s a very difficult thing to navigate, especially as an adult, because everyone just assumes that it’s already happened for you,” she says. While no one balked right away, some did get angry when she stuck by those boundaries down the line. “They’re like, ‘I thought you would change your mind,”’ she recalls. “Some guys have gotten a little too mad, and I’ve been in precarious situations.”

Feeling invisible-both to society, and to somebody else on a personal level-is central to Okereke’s experience of being a late bloomer

Last year, when she was 29, Spicher decided to “take the control back,” and is no longer a virgin.